


Love Put To Good Use

by AquaNinjaPirate



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Kuroo is there for him, Love, M/M, Self-Hatred, Talking, Tsukishima hates himself, listening, slight angst, talking and listening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 08:24:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16657579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaNinjaPirate/pseuds/AquaNinjaPirate
Summary: Kuroo knows Tsukishima goes through these spells; he tries to help.





	Love Put To Good Use

**Author's Note:**

> A small drabble short story, so not really detailed.
> 
>  

Kuroo had a feeling ever since he got to work this morning. He had this feeling before, so he was used to the cold gut wrenching feeling. This time however it didn’t leave nor, did it get better. He stopped typing on his computer and looked to his phone and hesitated before grabbing it. He sent a quick text saying that he would be home soon. He got up from his desk and walked into the boss’s office

“Uhm… sir?”

“Oh Kuroo-san, what is it?” the man asked looking up to see Kuroo’s face and instantly knew, “Same thing isn’t it?”

“Yes”

“Go ahead and go”

“But sir… I have left work more than 5 times this month… are you sure you are ok with it?”

“Work’s work and it will always be there. Making sure he is safe is a better use of your time” he said smiling and Kuroo let out a small smile

“Thanks sir, I’ll be back tomorrow”

“If he isn’t better you can take tomorrow off” he said as Kuroo left

Kuroo raced home and opened the door, “Tsukki, I’m home” Kuroo said coming in and heard nothing. Usually he would hear him welcome him home but not today... not when…, “Tsukki?”

He walked to the hallway to see his boyfriend of a year sitting at the end of it with his head on his knees wrapped in his arms. Kuroo walked to him and heard something that broke his heart

“…I just want to die”

“Tsukki…”

Tsukishima jumped and looked up in surprise, “Tetsurou… you’re back early… it’s not even lunch yet” he said getting up, “Do you want me to make you break—?” he was cut off by Kuroo bringing him into his arms

“Don’t say things like that Tsukki” Kuroo said and Tsukishima narrowed his eyes

“You heard that…” he said as more of a factual statement than a question and felt his face being gently moved to Kuroo’s by his hands

“Do… do you really feel that way… that you should die?” Kuroo asked. He knew his boyfriend goes through these sort of spells… but not to this extent. This is because, no matter how much he tried, Tsukishima has yet to open fully him. Tsukishima looked to the side and felt Kuroo take his hand and gently lead him into their bedroom

“Kuroo not now…I-I don’t want… I mean…” Tsukishima said and Kuroo looked to him

“You need to talk to me. I’m worried about you… you can’t keep bottling these emotions inside. Talking about it would help you. That’s what I’m here for, to help you; to listen”

“…Talk… oh. I thought you meant…” Tsukishima said eyes focused on the bed and Kuroo had wide eyes

“You thought I meant sex? Like right now when you’re feeling this bad? Do you think I’m that much of an asshole?” Kuroo asked and Tsukishima shook his head

“You’re not an asshole. I mean… shit, why the hell am I so stupid?” Tsukishima said and Kuroo pulled him to his chest and sat down on the bed making Tsukishima sit with him

“Kei, you’re not stupid… why do you think that? Because you misinterpreted this situation like this? I mean I can see why you did see it that way. I kind of dragged you in here without saying anything… but that isn’t important. Right now I just want to know why you want to die? I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t give me a chance… please let me in… I’m scared… bottling your emotions like this and not letting them out… I’m scared I’m going to come home to see that you committed suicide…” Kuroo said eyes burning as well as his chest… just uttering those words were painful. He laid down with Tsukishima and saw that he had his back to him

“… I hate myself” Tsukishima said sighing and Kuroo nodded

“I figured that much" He said making sure not to sound harsh and pulled him to his chest and muttered in his back, "… why though?”

“… I really don’t know to be perfectly honest. It just started one day”

“When?”

“When I was 5”

“That long?”

“Pretty much… I never cared about myself… I find myself really stupid and this pathetic coldness… I see no point in why I exist…”

“I do… words can’t describe the way I feel about you… how truly aws—”

“Please don’t lie.” Tsukishima said with tears forming

“I’m not. Don’t you ever know why I’m with you? I love you so much” Kuroo said and Tsukishima started laughing but Kuroo could tell he was on the verge of crying

“…I… I don’t get it… I don’t get how you can be with something like me let alone like” Tsukishima said and Kuroo gently turned Tsukishima over to face him

“Someone, Kei. You’re someone. I’m with you for many spectacular reasons. To list a few, you’re witty, clever, smarter than I can ever be” Kuroo said smirking slightly, “I’m still jealous over your nearly perfect college entry exams scores. You’re damn gorgeous, your love for dinosaurs is so cute, you’re the best blocker I’ve ever seen… and that passion for volleyball you got ever since first year when facing Shiratorizawa, it’s still there. There are so many more great qualities about you… so you’re not a thing; far from it” Kuroo said and when seeing Tsukishima have tears form he brought him to his chest as he said “let it all out”

That was the key to open the flood gates. Tsukishima started crying and sobbing.

After a while, Tsukishima and Kuroo were both laying on the bed, Kuroo on his side, holding himself up with his elbow and hand looking at his boyfriend

“You ok?” Kuroo asked and Tsukishima nodded

“Other than my head hurting, I guess I’m fine” Tsukishima said having a headache from the crying and Kuroo pulled out a bottle of aspirin and Tsukishima smiled and took one pill and swallowed it

“I still can’t believe you are able to love me” Tsukishima said, “most people don’t like me”

“I’m not most people”

Tsukishima smirked, “That you’re not. Not with that hair” he said and Kuroo blinked and laughed at the obvious joke

“You know you love it" he said and smiled, "I’m glad you feel better”

"It's because of you"

"Good, keep it that way. If you feel like this again, speak up. I’ll always be there to help you through it”

“Thanks”

“Of course, that’s what boyfriends are there for?” Kuroo asked and Tsukishima said sighed

“Even with your help I don’t think I would ever be able to love myself” Tsukishima said and put a finger to Kuroo’s mouth when he was about to speak, “It’ll take a while, but I think I can get to the point where I don’t hate myself… but I can’t love myself”

“Tsukki…”

“What I can do is this. All the love I can’t give to myself, belongs to you” Tsukishima said using Kuroo’s chest as a pillow and smiled when seeing Kuroo’s blushing face, “My love is finally being put to good use”

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a classmate/friend's animation (for class) that used this one poet's poem about her self-hate and her love for her boyfriend to animate words to


End file.
